No amount of therapy, joint or individual, will fix this issue. by *someone!! My wife weight has ballooned once the kids were born (25 years ago) And she has never wanted to lose it but just accept it. But it nearly tore us apart. Dont men throb? I guarantee most who do this will start feeling like a sex machine. I am 64 and met a 75 widower for 13 years whom exercises, takes a natural supplement to help with blood flow, and takes occasional viagra. To me, that is emotional abuse. I say I know exactly what youre taking about because my wife has had four back surgeries and we have sex RARELY! I am guilty of that. It can be helpful to have this conversation with the help of a sexuality professional, such as a sex therapist or coach. Nope. I told him we could stay married/faithful to each other without any type of sex/sexual contact. Then, let the pouting begin. My NEW husband gets a hard on, loves me to give him oral sex but is not sexually attracted to me at all. The best thing to do when y our partner doesn't want to be intimate is to ask them about it, point blank. Havent had regular sex in years, just a HJ or BJ on 8 or 9 month intervals typically. When we were young, we had sex every single day. Its like shes ashamed of her vagina. We never had sex before marriage and on our wedding night he rolled over and went to sleep. Shes particularly enthusiastic about helping softhearted women get re-energized around the dating experience and find joy in the process of connecting with others. Im throwing my partner out the door due to his rants and anger over lack of sex. **The husband has NO right to sex, or anything else. 2. I do, however, feel like absolute shit about the negative impact on my husband who is six years younger than me and who has always had a high (higher than mine, anyway) sex drive. Your stereotypes are both incorrect AND insulting. Yes, we are accused of such, and rightly so quite often; but, no, we are sentient, thinking human beings. She has a degree in journalism from Northwestern University, and shes been trained and certified by leading sex and relationship institutions such as The Gottman Institute and Everyone Deserves Sex Ed, among others. That was 20 years ago. It feels like torture just coming here and reading because it makes me want some so badly I dont know what to do. I understand that kids, work, and home projects can weaken your, As your wife pushes you away, you might feel tempted to use porn, but porn robs you of genuine desire for your wife. Husbands (and I was one) are men who figured out too late that they are being played for fools. Quit excusing inexcusable behaviors by your partners. I happen to like the situation I created and I will never change it. In the meantime,, get naked and take care of your partners needs because as you can see on this strand, there are plenty of people out there who will! Some doctors will prescribe testosterone and advise DHEA supplementation. Susan I think many men would find your comments upsetting. And its understandable, its a very hard thing to accept. Are you crazy? She sleeps in the other room. Also, look into the idea of responsive desire and make sure you understand it. (Side note: why do women get to have multiple organisms?). So, Thomas maybe your right they must be doing it wrong. Ive been thinking about wanting a second child seven years after I gave birth to our first one. Hes no longer a sexy looking man, doesnt care about trying to make himself better, I still fight to try to look really good, no matter how I feel. He feels unwanted or unappreciated. Just do it to make her feel good. . Shes been mostly dry since a few years before menopause. With out being rude . Then she was diagnosed with scleroderma shortly before I had a kidney transplant. Help out around the house and stop making your wife do everything. Men are very simple to please. Knowing I will never be wanted again in that way by her or any woman corrodes my spirit a little more each day. My wife lost interest in sex years ago. My sexual desire just stopped. As if I was only there as a sperm donor. Suddenly it all makes sense. I am a 52 year old woman who has had a hysterectomy and has gone through menopause and I have always had a high libido and still do. But, as we have read many time here, that it is OK for the woman/wife to force her husband into a sexless marriage. Awful!!! Im in the same situation with my overweight, lazy, 48 year old wife. Start your own discussion on this topic on Senior Planet Community. You ever think about getting some on the side? But now living with you is not what she thought it would be and she closes shop on you. i feel for you my spouse stopped being interested in sex 20 years ago at my age 51,for many years we had some extrem arguments and are still having them,,, to no avail what do you do. He keeps saying hell do better, but nothing ever happens! I like cuddling. What to do about it: Learning to love your own body is a personal journey, so this isn't really something you can fix for her just by giving her compliments (though that can certainly help!). 90% of the letters I read, could have been mine. While I understand where you are coming from, what if (as in my case) it is a physical.problem that is the cause. My wife and I have been in couples therapy now for about 3 years, and while it has helped our relationship a lot, nothing going on sexually. She has her own retail business, which cash flows, but has hasnt turned a profit in the last 5 years. Gopa explains how such mental health issues can affect your physical intimacy. I know we are very different people and and I am not trying to change her as much as letting her know the effects of being so distant and often dismissing my feelings yet I have to be totally responsive to her to keep her happy. Its been a lonely and humiliating experience. It Might pass , 45 is menopausal years and I was once told by a friend older than me at the time that it can be like a light switch once you are through menopause and that can be true because what drives sexual desire , it has much to do with hormones and post menopause or during, a women losses a tremendous amount of hormones and hormone replacement ( they will many x use birth control for that) makes one sick or intolerant and I have read many articles in the past that hormone replacement can put one of high risk of cancer in older women, please I am far from a Dr. not even close, but this is what I have gathered along the way. He will once in a while hold my hand for about a minute and always gives me a peck on the check before he goes to bed. Accept her no lovingly, masturbate, and initiate again another day. He may still be impotent after surgery, no guarantees. Ed if your still out there I have the same view as you do on the phone and web. I almost wish I were. Many seniors are in the same situation and we feel your pain. Share your feelings with your wife openly, honestly, and vulnerably without expecting it to lead to something physical. 39 TRUST ME RUN Dont walk Dont ruin your life!!!! I understand completely!!!! our sense of what is expected . Ive just seen this ,not sure when posted .ive tried so hard to get wife to have sex .she says menopause.then I gave up.but other we I had a beer and told her how I felt .silly beer a..so she been trying to start sex but my body has closed down to her .im worried ive turned off to her mentally.I do love her but shes noticed im not getting aroused like I used too .and now shes saying I prefer porn, but its how ive got by for so long.its really .mested up.im 53sorry. In a long-term relationship, the partner with the higher libidowhich is not always . The guy is a magnet! Bonnie, thank you for commenting. The aftermath of an affair is never easy for a marriage, but if life has thrown you this curveball, youve got to learn to deal with it. . I do not want to out her to the family as they all adore her. When emotional intimacy dies a slow death in your relationship, its possible that it could signal an affair. Maybe we should start a group. I only basically feel good enough to have pretty good days. A woman figures that out, shell be HAPPILY married! Tired of initiating intimacy? If your penis does not work, attempt to fix it. Her body, emotions, and mind were changing. I do not understand why they got married in the first place!!! Hormonal therapy can give you cancer, stroke. An undiagnosed, underlying medical condition can also be the reason for a decreased sex drive. You cannot force desire no matter what you do or if it is the other partner, same thing. Or you can try and find a willing partner. Be patient with her as she works on herself, and the two of you refocus on your marriage. She has rejected counseling and even criticizes my masterbation or porn. Our finances are so intermingled that to divorce means we cut our incomes in half facing either no sex or no home or food. Loved sexI mean with exuberance and joy. He wears it and with a little imagination it can work just like the real thing. I have often thought about having an affair but I just dont know how to approach going that direction. To some it may even taste nasty. Males are not embarrassed about describing a frigid or non sexual wife, but they will never mention their own lack of desire and often get angry if their partner inquires as to why? Im 69 and still active. When your husband keeps getting fired and he sits on the computer all day and rarely does anything around the house but bitches and complains about this or that and he puts you down and calls you names. Sex is not just about giving what you get, its about an experience that both partners should enjoy equally. Yet we are burdened with the biologically and Darwinian drive to procreate. I have read here about mostly women who do not desire sex, but let me tell you, men not wanting or giving their female partners sex is an unmentionable crisis in our homes. Gopa explains how it can be detrimental to your physical intimacy. Here are some reasons that your wife might never initiate getting intimate with you in the bedroom. I just want to rebuild my life again, move on, be kissed and touched! Avoiding divorce, men have two choices, acceptance/celibacy or cheating. Here after all of this, what I am trying to say Stan, is if you feel as if your wife really and truly does not want to have anything to do with sex, maybe, as with my wife, her spirit has been broken and if that is the case, she very much needs your understanding more than ever before in your marriage. Not fun! I cant stop thinking about it. var disqus_config = function () { So, youre going to break up a marriage of 43 years, because you dont want to masturbate. We are happy for the days she has some energy and good enough oxygen levels. My other half sees it as rejection and makes angry threats. s.setAttribute('data-timestamp', +new Date()); She is somewhat stressed by the reduction in lifestyle we have been reduced to, after years of six figure income for both of us. But he keeps wanting to try and work on it and cant seem to accept that Im changing as I grow old. You cant have me, but you cant have anybody else, is the most selfish and controlling position possible. If that is not possible, it may be too late. She didnt. 3. In other cases, it can also be if youve betrayed her trust in the past. And Im okay with that. Willsounds like you live in the stone agesworks for you.but most woman like a say in whether they would like to be touched or not. Yeah. Marital counseling can help couples identify underlying conflicts and improve their communication skills. But I do like your advice, dont waste time with them and take whatever you can get now. Now that you know that this could also be the reason why your wife avoids physical contact, you need to be her rock and convince her that you still think shes as beautiful as the day when you first met her. Add to this many complications: conditioning from childhood, feeling you are being used for someone elses pleasure, not being attracted, not meeting your partner at the same emotional level. I havent found a way to replace that feeling of a man. Weve been married for six years now and its been an abusive relationship in all types of way. ITS HIS POUTING and defeatist attitude! Cheating is easy and you deserve it. She said I was harassing her and that if I was so horny and needy, I should find someone else to relieve myself, but whatever, to stop harassing her. You and your husband need to take some hours to reconnect, or try to reconnect, with the people you believe yourself to have been when you first fell in love with each other. Or should I just accept her celibacy and masturbate when I need release? I felt rejected at times, but I learned that what postpartum moms go through physically and emotionally is intense. Married a little over 50 years! When someone Denys you something so fundamentally important, it is Not Cheating to I love her to death, but Im sick of the constant rejection. He retired a decade ago against my wishes. The comment section saved me from my sexless marriage, the counselling article is just drivel to shore up business to the Psychologist. Neither partner should have to feel obligated to satisfy the other out of some outmoded quasi religious relief or instruction, my wife is wonderful in many ways but now has reached, she believes, a stage[67] where she has no desire, except release masturbation , thats my misfortune but I try to understand. Having said that, it still stinks. Id never treat him as she does! There are many types of intimacy, and they tend to dovetail. I thought during the first couple of years of our marriage that I was imagining this but I now realize I wasnt (since he recently stated how we werent trying to procreate any longer, so why bother with sex.). but you most certainly are putting up with it, by acquiescing your role in your own home and your role as the male in your relationship. Related Reading: 10 Things To Do When You Are Drifting Apart In Your Relationship. But its not worth destroying something that you took years to build. I just go to AA now instead (I drank too much for 10 years because of no sex) & have great old fashioned men friends and conversations of good life practices. But I still love her and will be heartbroken when that day comes. My situation isnt as severe as many here. That was the best written, most solid commentary on this subject Ive ever read. Is it so horrible for me to want to passionately kiss her if it doesnt even lead to sex? Mike it could be only your fault if you are not touching her! To send your questions directly to Joan, email sexpert@seniorplanet.org. Most of my female friends in their sixties are married to men who just stopped having sex, wanting sex, initiating sex or any kind of intimacy. You may find that your perception of the situation is extremely different than theirs . I just dont understand. Yes Is so agree..No turning back!But Its now time replace her where she doesnt want to be part of.After 40 years 4kids 16 grands 5great Though I miss her warmth her ther body so much!Even after cancer twice majors surgerys reconstructions she still my one n only !N last one tooTime for me replace her affairs only way fishing..hunting ..camping ..some still with her!Rest myself alone ..others with son n grandsons while I still can getting around n driving! And LATINA. Talk to your wife about the lack of intimacy, 11 Lovely Ways To Date Your Spouse Spice Up YourMarriage, 200 Newlywed Game Questions For That Instant Bonding, 45 Questions To Ask Your Husband For A Heart-To-Heart Conversation, Why Is Marriage Important? If both parties dont want to change things (and only one does) then unfortunately the situation is probably doomed. Weve been married almost 40 years and neither of us had any sex partners before we met. Tried all the hormones, the therapy, the talks, and yes, even the threats of stepping out if things dont improve. While some of the underlying factors can be weeded out with the right approach and mindset, others can be more damaging to the entire relationship. She chose to be sexless, so now she has another choice to make. If theres no intimacy in your marriage from your wife and youve realized that she may be suffering through mental health issues, Bonobologys panel of experienced therapists can help guide your partner through this turbulent time, and perhaps re-establish the harmonious relationship you yearn for. It will only create more distance between you. The only thing I have now is masturbation about 3 times a week. . About 10 % Love 90% Hate. After my wife lost interest, I told her that we either opened our marriage or divorced. Married 36 years, neither of us had sex with anyone including each other until our wedding night: It was tough, but my choice. I would suggest you try these because they will increase your natural produce of testosterone without the side effects you mention. . His needs count too. Let the in-laws or best friend care for your children for a day or two. When I was single it didnt bother me I just figured I was easily bored sexually. When women say that theyre exhausted, men can often take it as a personal rejection without realizing that she woke up at 5 a.m. Many claim that its women who become dis- If shes willing, find a therapist who will help you and your wife talk about this and really listen to each otherand if she wont go, go on your own. Just be sensitive to what she's going through: If she's dealing with a significant illness or painful condition, for example, it may not be appropriate to push for more sex at this time. Harley and Mike, I have a loving wife but her sex drive is down to ziltch. Your Wife Seems Uncomfortable When You Initiate Foreplay. If you guys love your wives and wanna stay till death and your having problems with containment, I lost all desire because I have no testosterone so its been a God send to me. Must he provide her preferred amount of resources (which is much higher than he himself needs) while also accepting her preferred amount of sex (which is much lower than he himself needs) under the guise of equality? Absolutely! It has been years since my wife and I have had sex. I am starting to go to prostitutes is this wrong? He didnt see me and since that day, my attitude towards him has changed. Its time to change your strategy. Share This: Have a question about relationships and sex for seniors? State your case to your partners. We does not seeem to need to hug or cuddle either. There is just so much fantasizing, flirting and masturbating that I can do. I refuse to live out my life not feeling special. If he would quit his demands, realize Im not who I was, be cheerful and easy, love life and just lighten up, Id make sure he is sexually satisfied WAY MORE OFTEN. I was being shipped out to Vietnam and we both were afraid of losing eachother. However this does not mean that sex should just cease and its quite difficult for one party in a marriage or long term relationship to just do without something like this because the other party has lost interest (or is depressed), or whatever. In my is own skin. As far as foreplay goes, either I dont know how to do it or she doesnt like to be touched unless she is in the mood. Sexuality is just part of the human condition but a life partner who is no longer interested or capable of providing that experience must be respected and understood. . I end up feeling bad about this as I think I should not be obsessing about it as she often says. It isnt. We did have sex on occasion but we would go months in between, not my idea, finally he stopped and said he had no more interest or ambition to have sex. I think I was just the sperm donor and now I am the sugar daddy that provides her a comfortable life. Best to all. Really its happening with many couples as the year goes and children born the interest goes down. I have no issues with my performance and dont need ED meds. Home Articles Marriage Sex 4 Things to Do When Your Wife Wont Touch You. There is one category which never seems to be covered in these kind of forums, that is where one partner is both medically unadvisable to have sex. You both shatter into a million pieces, and when you emerge from the depths of pain for air, you find that though you are still in love with each other, nothing will ever be the same again. In this new gynocentric west, the only answer is to find non-western women or women who were not raised in the west. After reading this feed, thanks for sharing stories but I know where dirty old man comes from, darn wives holding out! She needs emotional connectivity even without the expectation of sex, just because it is kind. struggles or clinical depression? If I was younger, much younger I would have more options. At 78 and after 47 years of marriage I kind of resigned myself to a sexless marriage.My rabbi was married over 55 years and said he had 4 good years sohe was not complaining.He also said over 90 percent of members of the congregation were miserable in their marriages.I guess he and I. Hello Dave, Agree, I have accepted the fact Im now in a sexless marriage, ugh! She is BI/Sexual she said & needs a women or two..So that leads me to find some one else or join in that the only way i get some sex from herSo Monica & Pamela Start looking for some Bi/sexual or Gay Women.Their only an Orgasm a way!!!
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